the ignorant warmth

I’ve been wide awake for the past hour. I can’t sleep because my throat feels like I swallowed sandpaper and my face feels like I’ve been sleeping on a tennis racket. This hotel air is making me all gross.

Also, I’m nervous as hell about a presentation I have to give in a few hours to a room full of food editors. I don’t know why I’m nervous. I used to be good at public speaking. Heck, I used to want to be an actor and would always find an excuse to get on stage or show off in front of people. I don’t know what happened to me. I don’t know why I’m so nervous.

Since I’m awake, I’m lying in the dark rehearsing my presentation, which might not be a good idea since I can hear my scratchy voice becoming more and more strained.

But I have to go, you know, in order to keep my job and all.

It’ll be a good time. I’m sure I’ll have fun and learn a lot. 

But I’m going to miss my wife and cross my fingers my little girl will wait until I’m home to make her arrival.

I’m leaving for 6 days on Monday. Going to Iowa. Hey, IOWA! Des Moines, to be exact. Corn and whatnot. Then I’m going to NYC. Hey, the big apple! More specifically, the Wine and Food Festival. I’ll be rolling with the elite at the Burger Bash, where my company is unveiling a big new product. I’m pretty excited. 

But I’m also very nervous. The wife is 37 weeks preggo, turning 38 weeks while I’m gone. Technically, this is full term. Holy shit, what if she goes into labor and I can’t make it back in time? I will never forgive myself. 

Also, I’m nervous about speaking to a group of media folks, pitching products etc. I’ll get over that, I think. 

But the whole ‘missing the birth’ thing? Yeah… nervous about that.

Churros. That’s a fun word to say. Being a few glasses of wine deep only add to the enjoyment of saying it.

No baby today. Everything is normal. Nothing to see here. Carry on. 

The Wife went to the doctor on Wednesday. Apparently, her “fluids are low.” Like a car!

Anyway, they need to see her today. If her fluids are still low, they’re inducing. Today. This afternoon. Today. This is all fine and good, because she’s 36 weeks and technically the baby will be fine. But I’m October ready. I’m not Today ready.

But really, it’s possible that she was just dehydrated on Wednesday. She’s been chugging water like a champ, so hopefully her fluids (gross… fluids) will be back around normal today. If not, then she’s got a slow leak (gross… leaky placenta) and they’ll get the baby out. 

In all seriousness, we’re about 90% certain that all will be fine and she’ll carry to her due date. But that slight 10% chance has got me a little nervous. I even brought the car seat with me to work. Because, you know, I might need to transport a baby at some point in the near future????